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what if you by joshua radin |
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WARNING: LONG RAMBLING POST AHEAD.
oh my gosh, ive just read twilight.i cant believe ive waited this long,and i can't stop gushing abt it like a lovestruck fool.
i think im in love with edward cullen,but then again who wouldn't be? he's perfect,and more. first of all he's beautiful, sophisticated, sexy, brilliant, a musical genius, witty, funny, awesomely strong, sweet, romantic, mysterious, charasmatic, brave, fast, gorgeous, alluring and even rich,though that kinda pales in comparison with his other qualities.haha.
oh man,i mean for heaven's sake,he literally sparkles, what more could you ask for?
I am so in love with him,im only too aware of the reality i'll eventually have to settle for less, cos he's only a chracter in a book n all,sigh. but the fact he's a vampire adds on to the charm and the phantasm edward is.
anyway it all got me thinking, about love and relationships. i think the reason i loved the book so much, was because,unlike other lame ass teenage trashy romance novels around (which are still btw one of my favourite genres), it was a intense raw romance ignited by passion-filled chemistry, that transcended time, space, barriers, prejudices. okay wait,i think i just made it sound like a cheap second rate flick.haha, butyou kinda get what i mean right? like a classic romeo n juliet story,though this one's more of a happier ending,and at least edward and bella have more personality and quirks to make them feel way more relatable than romeo n juliet ever was, because honestly i felt romeo n juliet was just abt two hormone crazed teens,using flowery prose to sugarcoat their actual intention of jumping into each others' pants. (i guess you can tell i'm no great fan of shakesphere)
and it makes me wonder, does passion fade with age? do these intense romances only belong to teenagers,capable of loving someone way too much,ur willing to risk anything? will they ever last?
looking at my parents yest,when we were out for dinner,it struck me,what if they weren't each other soulmates?and then it made me sad. i wld never want the guy i marry to be second best,the one that wasnt meant for me, but what if u did, and you knew it?
and it also got me thinking.i've never dated,nor had a boyfriend,and i can honestly tell you i've never regretted being single. i cld never bring myself to go out with someone i could never see myself with,and i thought that was a wonderful theory to go by. but now that im reaching 19,the last year of being a teen,it makes me sad sometimes,that i'll never get to experience that rush and joy of falling completely in love with someone,with the full fledged naivety that he loves you back unconditionally, and making all those mistakes you wld without any truly dire consequences,simply because you unknowingly have a safety net of family and friends,who will be there to catch you,when the boy fails you.you dun have responsibilities to level your judgement,u can act based on pure emotion alone and then u can blame it all on raging estrogen. and through it all, you mature and realise that you actually will survive and grow stronger,and congratulations! ur a step further on your path to self discovery and independence. unless of course you found mr right,and then continue to be with him for say the next 80 yrs.
so dont get me wrong,i definately don't regret never being into the dating scene and all,if there ever was any regret,it wld be because i'm afraid i'll never have that raw passionate romances i read and hear about. i'm hoping those still exist when im 30,and when i find whoever it is meant for me,and im meant for,i hope that same passion still lasts till im 92,when he'll still buy me flowers just cos he thinks i look beautiful on that day.
at the moment,i definately think im more in love with the idea of love more than i'll ever be with the person himself, but its kinda weird to tell this to others aka older family and friends,when they ask why i don't have a boyfriend. so i just say u noe,high standards n all,prob won't find one any time soon, and then i smile brightly to throw them off track and say "but kim has a boyfriend,ask her abt him." or to the extremely kpoh ones,i say i actually have 5,but couldnt decide which one to bring today,that normally shuts them up.haha!
and i know by now you may think im a hopeless romantic,but honestly i rather wait than give a little of my heart to each boy i call a boyfriend,even if it means sacrificing that teenage whirlwind romance thats so attractive, because eventually when my edward cullen comes a-knocking,i'll be so glad i waited,with my whole heart for him.
okay i think thats enough of my long windedness!im gonna collect my pay tmr,and also try to get a job at eastpoint's vet.God's grace on that. this limbo period sucks,especially since i dun have a job,every tiny speck of a problem is easily magnified into a crisis,im that bored! and its still kinda unclear abt my uni plans.ive no idea where i'll end up. its the financial part thats making everything so unclear,i wld go overseas to embark on my vet dream if i only my parents could truly tell me they could send me,and still live comfortably.but right now,thats obviously out. but today in church, because of miracle seed sunday,this guy &his company was cleared of a usd 41 million bankdebt,thats like EIGHT freaking digits,and i only need six for my overseas education! so its def not too big a problem for God to just let that money drop out of the sky for me,right?or in any other more plausible way.
i just need to have some faith.
i also realised you know what,i wld love to be like jeff corwin,have my own show abt endangered animals in asia,and the horrible illegal wildlife trade prospering here.i wld be saving animals,i wld be making a difference,and all glory would still be God's. so maybe a science degree from nus wouldnt be too bad an option to seriously consider.hmmm.
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